January 28th, 2018.
The excitement is beyond expression! Our work for a Brush wedding is done, it’s Sunday and we are free for what is our “weekend”!
First thing Nicole says to me as we get in her car, “let’s go to Saucy for Margaritas!” Nicole had been going through more than I knew how to handle so, how could I deny a coconut marg at 11am when the girl had been house bound for what felt like days?
Two margaritas in, and we are laughing hysterically about swinging pineapples, clearly the tequila was setting in. The conversation went from belly ache laughs to sorrow tears but all with the ending result of a healing heart.
By the end of our second margarita, the realization of a delayed period set in. For a peace of mind on both of our brains, we went to Nicole’s for reassurance these silly drinks could rest easy in our tummy’s.
Now, keep in mind, we were two drinks in and when I tell you I swear that thick, black, negative line was clear as day with just a faint, almost non existent, vertical line behind it, I fully believed the test was faulty. There’s no way random lines were telling me my future on a piece of plastic and on top of that, I thought maybe the alcohol had something to do with this positive looking test because there’s no way that could be true.
So.. to Walgreens we went, with a giant cup of water to chug.
Clear Blue seemed like a much more reliable brand being that you get clear as day words, “pregnant” or “not pregnant”. After a long reassuring talk and cuddle with Nicole, she dropped me off at Ryan’s, where I now was 3 hours late coming home. He clearly was annoyed with me for my tardiness as he couldn’t make eye contact because building a rocket for Colbi was far more important than looking up at me to say hi. I said my hellos to both and went straight to the bathroom. Couldn’t be bothered with him at that moment.
Twenty minutes went by. The longest 20 minutes of my life. I cried, sobbed actually. How in the hell am I going to be able to have a baby this year? The trips I have booked and the plans I have for work, I can’t. I sat on the side of that bathtub terrified of the unknown, fearful of disappointing my dad, and dreading even the thought of getting fat (I know, but it’s true.) Never once did I fear telling Ryan though. I needed him in that moment, more than I ever had before.
I finally made my way off that tub, out the bathroom door, and to the dining room table where Ryan was still fuming as he continued to build that rocket. My heart sank, I had disappointed him for being so late and now I’m about to tell him he’s about to be another dad. Fabulous.
He followed me back into the bathroom where I immediately began opening the flood gates. My words were lost and the best I could do was hand over that Clear as freaking Blue test while the Nile River continued to stream down my face.
Have you ever seen two people in the same room be given the same news and react so polar opposite, it’s laugh worthy? That was us. This man could not wipe off that beautiful ear to ear grin on his overly ecstatic face. He scooped me up and just held me, squeezed me so tight it forced more tears to come. He couldn’t contain himself. I don’t think I could have presented him with anything better than the fact he was going to be my Baby’s Daddy. Thank god for this man and “his glass half full” attitude because at that moment, I was one miserable human being and all I wanted him to be was miserable with me.
Ryan asked we hold off on telling family and friends till we took another test in the morning. Of course I listened to none of that. I was freaking out and needed some serious mental support. I called three friends who I could not be more thankful. I had one who cried and empathized with me, I had another who reassured me of her support in whatever I decided and left me with an “email” giggle and lastly, I had one who was so excited for me because she herself had been in the exact same situation just two years ago.
That night Ryan and I went to my parents house for dinner. I’ve never felt so needy in all my life. Every person who walked by me got a hug, someone got up from the couch and I followed, it became so obvious to both my mom and grandma something was wrong. Mama thought I was becoming sick and without skipping a beat my mom went straight to the big question “are you pregnant”. Surprisingly, I kept my composure and left that evening without saying a word; however, I don’t know how, but deep down my mom already knew without me saying one word.
January 29th, 2018.
Ryan and I woke up together and first thing we did was take the 3rd pregnancy test. Sure enough, it just kept saying the same thing: pregnant. Guess the margaritas had nothing to do with a positive result. It was really real.
First person I told was my sister, Alexis. I waited outside for her in Ryan’s truck. It took a lot of convincing on my part to get her to come outside that morning. When I saw her, I jumped out of the truck and made Ryan stay. The tears started again. She thought I had just gotten engaged. Nope. After some encouraging words from her, a nice birdie flipped to Ryan and a “just call me Auntie A” exist line, we made our way to tell my mom and grandma.
I walked upstairs and just starred at my mom, more tears of course. And again she knew. She didn’t know she knew until she really knew. My grandma was SO excited, squeezed both Ryan and I in pure joy while my mom was still trying to collect her chin off the floor. Literally speachless. I think the word “grandma” was taking her breath away.
I had to wait till that night to tell my dad. This was the one that was creating so much stress for me. I knew he would be supportive and say all the right things but the slightest bit of disappointment from him, was enough to make me want to melt away in a pool of quick sand. I followed him to his room after dinner, again making Ryan wait outside, I just needed my dad to tell me everything was going to be okay. The words never fully came out, I maybe said what led up to taking the test and then went blank but my dad asked “Are you?!” in an excited voice and I knew everything was going to be okay just by those two words from him. Our 30 minute talk was so reassuring and he signed off by saying “I don’t know if you know how much I truly love you, but I think now you will.” Sobbed. How could you not with a statement like that?
The best part was coming out of the bedroom and have 4 sets of eyeballs starring at me. Waiting for what just happened. I realized my brother didn’t know yet so as I sat down I casually said “I’m pregnant”. Immediately Teegan responded, “no you’re not” and the room went silent. Took him a minute.
Ryan patiently waited for my dad, he needed the reassurance just as I did. Again, my dad’s wisdom appeared and told Ryan there’s nothing better than bringing a child into this world who is wanted and clearly you two are happy and have a strong lengthy relationship, and that he could not be more happy for the two of us.
The stress was gone, the excitement set in and the doctors appointments began! We’re having a baby!!
Teegan in the corner though, still scratching his head. Bless him 😂